Rain in the forecast…

I hear about  people, artists especially and the fact they “have to paint”, they are “compelled to paint”, that life without paint would cease to have meaning……do you know what I mean? Have you said or heard those words? Well, I am struggling, as I don’t “have to” paint, well, not currently anyway. Its been months (apart from one small piece – Night-swimming,  but other than that – its been months since I painted). I literally stopped last October.  But now, four months on, it makes me wonder if i have lost my painting mojo (maybe I never really had it?) , or is it all just part of a natural ebb and flow that is normal for artists and creative types? Is four months just a drop in the bucket in the big picture of a life of art and creativity? 

I do worry of course, that it’s a “sign”, that i have some how lost my creativity..will it come back? What have I done to lose it? Too stressed? Too distracted? We are complicated beings…Is it that I simply can’t be creative and at the same time focused on other areas of my life that are proving rather challenging at the moment? Maybe.

My own theory for the lack of art and creativity is that I feel like all things are pointing to change, but I can’t quite yet figure out what the change is. I feel like a caterpillar who has turned to mush and doesn’t know yet that it will become a butterfly, but knows it isn’t a caterpillar any more…does that sound strange?

The change is coming. I sense its arrival like rain threatening in the distance. I wonder if I will like it? Will I be the instigator of the change or will it be circumstances out of my control that bring it about, or a cumulation of multiple factors that just point toward a logical, sensible change? Will it be a good, life affirming, filled to the brim with happiness  ind of  change, or an “Oh my God, what have I done”  kind of change?  Will it be thrust upon me (by others decisions or actions), chosen deliberately, or accepted begrudgingly, resisted or welcomed with open arms? I don’t know, but I sense it drawing nearer….I feel excited and scared too. And after along period of drought, I am ready with open arms, for the rain to come.

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About Angela Sefton

Painting…photography…mixed media…print making….design…journaling…writing…creating in stunning Taranaki by the wild west coast and a stunning mountain backdrop, with my four gorgeous (make that cute, but messy!) kids, my partner GB, and one very large fat cat. View all posts by Angela Sefton

4 responses to “Rain in the forecast…

  • Strange Trip Studios

    A very good post, one I can relate to. I am one of those people that HAS to create. Not limited to one medium or another. And I get frightened when I think I “may have lost it”. I was, at one point, refusing to take certain meds because I thought it would “dull” my creativity. I understand now what you do, there is change or evolution to our creative selves and we carry on doing what we do best; create.
    Peace

    • Angela Sefton

      Hi, and thanks for your thoughts. I agree, in hindsight it probally isn’t lost as such, just shifting and moving in ways similar to how life does itself. I never really stop being creative I guess, it just ebbs and flows like all things in nature.

  • Maya Greywolf

    I used to write. Everyday. If it wasn’t a piece to share then at least in my journal. Then… I stopped. Major change came into my life and I found myself profoundly “happy”. A happiness I’d felt once before in my life and…I stopped writing at that time too. With two distinct episodes to draw upon, I had to analyze just what my writing meant to me, what need was it fulfilling, how and why could something replace it? It was an interesting exploration.

    I have not stopped creating but it has taken different form, the most recognizable one is photography. I wonder what lessons it will teach me.

    Creativity takes so many forms and many of them are not acknowledged as creative avenues. Raising children, our vocations, community involvement, social interactions are we not creative in these areas?

    I don’t think we lose our creative “mojo”, it simply changes, as our lives change. My guess is, I will write again and you will paint. I think we should be prepared to accept the products may end up looking very different than they have in the past.

    • Angela Sefton

      its interesting isn’t it – that you stopped when you were so happy, and for me, I am most creative when all the other areas in my life are happy and calm, and I seem to come to a creative halt when my real world falls apart…I too, seem to shift from writing, to painting, to mixed media, to photography…and i guess its just embracing all types of creativity and as you say, accepting that your creativity changes as times moves on and as our unique experiences shape our creative self. Thanks again for your open sharing of thoughts, regards, Angela.

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